Resilience in MS

Searching for answers and finding none. Feeling hopeless and the holidays are upon us. It was Dec 2016, I was laid up on the couch or in my bed. My 2 girls were anticipating Santa and all the holiday cheer that went along with the season. Visiting Santa was at the top of the to-do list. Typically, we would go visit Santa and go have a nice dinner with my parents. Yet, this year I was not up for any of it.

My husband and mother were doing their best to pick up the slack, but I wanted to help. I wanted to do all the things. I wanted to decorate the house and the tree. I wanted to wrap presents, take pictures, and send out Xmas cards, and bake cookies. Nonetheless, my body had other plans and doing all the holiday things was not part of the plan. We made the best of the season my girls had a wonderful Christmas, thanks to those around me. But I couldn’t help but feel a sense of dread. Life as I knew it was going to be changing.

A few days after Christmas, I woke up with another new symptom. It was the strangest feeling. It was as if someone was standing behind me. Their arms were wrapped around my midsection, squeezing me so hard. It was difficult to catch my breath. Standing, walking and sitting were unbearable. The only relief from this was laying down. This symptom is referred to as the MS Hug.

My girls were still on winter break. My husband was going back to work on Monday. I just didn’t have time for this nonsense. So, off to the ER I went looking for answers, again. They did a CT scan this time, and nothing showed up. I reexplained all my symptoms and they offered me pain medicine. By this time, I had taken my share of over the counter pain meds. These hadn’t touched the surface of any of my symptoms. I declined their offer and left the ER, feeling defeated and frustrated.

Monday rolls around, and I call the neurologist’s office. The receptionist explains to me again, that there aren’t any appointments till March. At this point, I am overcome by my emotions and start to sob on the phone. I explain my situation, letting her know that I was barely functional. I had to stop working and couldn’t be the active mom I had always been. The pain and anxiety I was feeling was too much to bare. She took pity on me and managed to squeeze me in the week after New Years. Hallelujah!

My feeling of frustration and dread, turned to hope. I was finally going to get the answers I so desperately yearned for. I was finally going to see the right doctor and I was going to get the help I needed.